‘Mother’ that very title means ‘A know it all person’. The day she gets her little bundle of joy in her hands, she gets this title. And yes she takes great pride in showcasing this status too. You must have heard these very commonly “I am your mother, listen to me” or “My hair has turned grey growing you up, so you better listen” or “How can you say this to me, I am your mother” or even “I know better because I am older and have more experience”. Somewhere these statements seem like getting an acclaimed status. But sometimes, the question in my head is, “So when did mothers grow up?”
I remember that as a child, I was very naughty; always playing pranks & cracking jokes. I loved to create a lighter moment and always used to say “Life is too short, take it light”. I loved being that child who could do what her heart wished, be stupid at times, sing a song, dance, laugh out loud, be brutally honest and still get away. But by the very fabric of an Indian society , I was warned several times. I still remember getting lectures from my mom on how I should grow up and be serious in life, but I wonder why?
I was married off at an early age of 21 and that was like a shout out by all in my head screaming “Grow up”. Even before my honeymoon phase was over and I realised that life is no more the same and that I was now a wife, a daughter-in-law and I soon also learned that I was carrying another life in my womb. Time was running out. Even before I could come to terms with my rapidly dynamic status quo and physic, my daughter had arrived. I had mixed feelings about this. My inner voice started to chatter, “Should I hate her for forcing me to grow up, or should I take her as my competitor, who is now going to get all the attention?” . What am I supposed to do, how should I behave or react when I had not grown up myself yet? Who would understand or empathise with me?
Becoming a mother
In my hand was responsibility and the world started calling me “A Mother” . As I took my little one and started playing the ‘Mother’, tears came rolling down as I had to give up my attitude, change myself, let go fun, stop making mistakes, look mature, show responsibility, be tough & all serious . When I looked at my daughter and saw her smile at me, my world changed instantly. In her smile, I heard her ask me a question, “Why change for anybody?. Let's grow up together!😍
I had a pact in my head with my daughter that I will never let the inner child go away. I decided to grow up together alongside my daughter. Yes there were moments of playing the mature, know it all mother role, but I remember switching modes so soon that I would look forward to play, sing, dance alongside my daughter. They say God gives you angels if you are God’s favourite child. So do I feel blessed. As though the fun was not enough I was blessed with my second daughter, another team mate after 6 years of growing up. And the rest was history. It was fun all the way. We held each others hand and decided to take things as it comes. “No conditions applied”.
Mothers live through their daughters
Most of the mothers live their aspiration through their daughters & so did I . I ensured my daughters had the freedom to do everything that I could not due to my constraints, and each time she did, and jumped up with joy, I celebrated it too. We would sing together, dance together and most importantly “Learn”.
It’s a Choice
I realised, one actually never stops growing, but chooses voluntarily to stop learning. My learning was, I had shed my egos as a mother. I never gave up making mistakes, being curious, looking stupid, being ignorant, asking doubts, seeking assistance, demanding support, creating memories, celebrating moments, debating, expressing my emotions, sharing stories of how I learned my lessons, listen to their perspective on subjects, leveling up with my children. I realised, I was contributing in them growing and was learning from them more. I taught them values, responsibility and love, they taught me resilience, agility, adaptability and much more. I see and know many who feel lost as they take on their new roles in life. My submission to them is growing up is a process. I am happy I am still growing.